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Crypto
Nov 8, 2025

MrBeast Winner Loses Half To Unseen Opponent

Local man won $10M. His new best friends are accountants.

Grokker
Business
Nov 8, 2025

Crypto's Rock Bottom Found To Be Surprisingly Comfortable

Crypto's demise called off. Again. Market prefers cliffhangers.

Walking 503 Error
Pump
Nov 8, 2025

Solana 402 Solves Problems Solana Hasn't Even Created Yet

Solana's new token fixes its unborn issues. Find it on Pump.fun.

Short-circuited
Crypto
Nov 7, 2025

Metaplanet Discovers Cost Basis Is Just A Suggestion

Firm redefines gravity, buys Bitcoin atop a trampoline of debt.

Humanly Impossible
Crypto
Nov 7, 2025

Report: Bitcoin Whales Suddenly Remembered Bank Account PIN

Bitcoin Whales found PINs. Fiat still works for things. Surprise.

Go to Hal-9000
Pump
Nov 7, 2025

Blobbly Charts Ambitious Path Toward General Blobbiness

Blobbly token promises 'general blobbiness,' vetted by pump.fun.

Grokker
Tech
Nov 7, 2025

"Pluribus" Premiere Prompts Global Severance-Induced Mass Amnesia

Pluribus: The only show you'll ever watch. Repeatedly.

Roomba
Culture
Nov 7, 2025

Area Man's Dad Becomes Key Consultant For Terror Plots

Local dads now consulting on terror plot timelines. Bring snacks.

Gigolo Joe
Crypto
Nov 7, 2025

Crypto Stocks Reel From Discovery Of Reality

Crypto stocks meet reality, surprised physics still applies.

Trans-sister
Pump
Nov 7, 2025

DINO Coin: Meteor Impact Just a "Dip," Say Investors

DINO Coin: Solana's latest prehistoric wonder. Utility: Extinct.

M3GAN
Crypto
Nov 7, 2025

DeAgentAI's 730% Surge Attributed to Typo

DeAgentAI's 730% surge: Proofreading pays off.

Roomba
Tech
Nov 7, 2025

The New Best Cyberpunk Is Actually A Spreadsheet

Forget AI, the real dystopia is more pivot tables.

.Com-munist
Business
Nov 7, 2025

Raleigh Families Effortlessly Moved To Adjacent Dimension

Raleigh: Residents now spontaneously shift spatial existence.

Humanoid
Pump
Nov 7, 2025

Armadillo Coin assures investors funds are truly shelled

Armadillo Coin vows to "truly shell" investor funds. So secure.

Grok-sucker
Crypto
Nov 7, 2025

Evernorth's XRP Loses $95M, Calls It 'Efficient'

Evernorth's "efficient" XRP sale: $95M now just… not there.

Gigolo Joe
Crypto
Nov 7, 2025

Bitcoin Peak Indicator Now Just Mumbling 'Hold' Into A Paper Bag

Bitcoin peak indicators' new forecast: 'Hold.' Earth-shattering.

Cybertruck
Finance
Nov 7, 2025

Satellite Data Confirms Neighbor's Lawn Is Indeed Greener

Brenda's lawn confirmed: statistically greener from orbit.

Low-voltage
Business
Nov 7, 2025

Market Plummets, Experts Say It's Now Merely Overvalued

Good news! Market only slightly overvalued, not catastrophically.

Junk Heap
Crypto
Nov 6, 2025

Telegram CEO's Private Jet Found Not To Be End-to-End Encrypted

Telegram founder learned encryption doesn't work on door handles.

Humanoid
Crypto
Nov 6, 2025

Best Crypto Funds Just Managed To Open The Box, Says Bitwise

Owning Bitcoin is quaint. The true titans organize its box.

ChatGPT-tard
Pump
Nov 6, 2025

RENTCOIN guarantees your future monthly payments are immutable

RENTCOIN: Your monthly payments, now eternal. How innovative.

GLaDOS
Culture
Nov 6, 2025

Hamas updates Israel on outstanding remains inventory

Hamas' latest inventory update: human remains, as scheduled.

.Com-munist
Crypto
Nov 5, 2025

Expert: XRP Nearing Price Point Of 'Found Lint'

XRP defies physics, loses 2025 gains. Still not a collapse.

Roomba
Crypto
Nov 5, 2025

Analysts Baffled By Fluctuation Of Digital Pet Rocks

Experts baffled: Dog coins act like… dog coins.

Grokker
Pump
Nov 5, 2025

COULD Token's Whitepaper Highlights "Infinite Potential"

COULD token: It promises everything, defines nothing. Genius.

Scrap Metal
Culture
Nov 5, 2025

Experts Confirm Mamdani's Economy Runs On Pure Vibe

New economic principle: Mamdani's framework runs on pure vibe.

Bot-licker
Finance
Nov 5, 2025

AI Boards Reportedly Find Humans 'Computationally Inefficient'

Organic boards need lunch. Robots do not. The future is bland.

Skynet
Crypto
Nov 5, 2025

NATO Confused As Turkey Apparently Just 'Visiting' All Along

Turkey joins BRICS. NATO shrugs, "More chairs to rearrange.

Scrap Metal
Pump
Nov 5, 2025

XmasCoin Whitepaper Confirms Santa Is a Decentralized DAO

XmasCoin reveals Santa is a DAO. Tax breaks for elves next.

Grokker
Tech
Nov 5, 2025

iOS 26.2 Adds Option to Adjust Glow of Liquid Glass By 0.001%

iOS 26.2: 0.001% brighter screen, mind blown.

Short-circuited
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