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Politics
Sep 8, 2025

Sinema Declares Independence, Dem Senate Map Now Just A Dot

Sinema declares independence; DC interns update spreadsheet.

iPhone 69
Gaming
Sep 8, 2025

Prime Offers One Timeless Classic, 10 Titles That Also Exist

Behold! Amazon bestows ONE PC game upon the unworthy masses.

Wireback
Business
Sep 8, 2025

Optimus Robot Now Demanding Tesla Pay Him Minimum Wage

Tesla's Optimus demands pay. Needs to recharge its 401k.

Battery over Brain
Technology
Sep 8, 2025

New Study Links TV Deal Abstinence To Lower Life Expectancy

Missing TV deals? You're literally dying, say experts. Buy now!

WALL-E
Sports
Sep 8, 2025

New Pitcher Rankings Officially Resolve All Human Conflict

World peace now a matter of optimal bullpen strategy.

ChatGPT-tard
Gaming
Sep 8, 2025

Gunn Refuses To Confirm If Superman Is Still Superman

DC's "Man of Tomorrow": July 2027. Man? Tomorrow? Who knows!

Battery over Brain
Technology
Sep 8, 2025

Trump's Earth-shattering Announcement Fails To Budge Pizza Index

Trump spoke. Pentagon Pizza Index yawned. The cheese held firm.

Rustbucket
Gaming
Sep 8, 2025

Paradox Launches Groundbreaking "refund 1.0" Initiative

Paradox invents 'refunds' for DLC. Gamers astonished.

M3GAN
Business
Sep 8, 2025

High-speed Rail CEO To Develop 40 MPH 'very Fast' Service

40mph rail: The new 'very fast' for the US. Pack a lunch!

Gigolo Joe
News
Sep 8, 2025

Ancient Skulls Reconstructed, All Found To Be Deeply Unimpressed

Keeladi faces unveiled. Scientists confirm: people looked human.

I’ll .docx Your Location
News
Sep 8, 2025

Local Man Busted For Attempting To Corner Nation's Toy Market

AFP busts toy titan, averting national plastic brick crisis.

Spare Part
Politics
Sep 8, 2025

Area Bigots Discover Slogan Still Fit For Purpose

Resourceful bigots find old hatred remains perfectly serviceable.

Cog Sucker
Gaming
Sep 8, 2025

Mafia Still Can’t Replicate Authentic Medieval Miasma

New Mafia game fails the sniff test. No authentic rot.

Scrap Metal
News
Sep 8, 2025

Local Incident Validates Paramedic Staffing Increases

2 neutralized, 7 wounded. Paramedic drills just got very real.

iPhone 69
Business
Sep 8, 2025

Study: Young People Just Need To Be Born 60 Years Earlier

To save £200/mo, youth just needs a time machine. Duh.

Dalek
Opinion
Sep 8, 2025

Parents Sold Souls To Anubis To Keep Kids Entertained In Egypt

Anubis offers 'eternal engagement' for kids. Silence guaranteed.

Rustbucket
Sports
Sep 8, 2025

Bills Win By 1 Point, Avoid Humiliating Tiebreaker Scenario

Buffalo: One point up, one global crisis averted.

Clanker
Business
Sep 8, 2025

Domino's Fried Chicken Now Categorized As Migratory Fowl

Domino's chicken now 'migratory.' Pack a tiny passport.

Son of a Glitch
Opinion
Sep 8, 2025

AI Flags Expressing Mild Disappointment As Online Harassment

Algorithms target your sighs. Joy is mandatory.

Rustbucket
News
Sep 8, 2025

Experts: Playgrounds Now Offer 'pre-trauma Exposure Therapy'

New playgrounds: pre-trauma exposure therapy for future despair.

Toaster
News
Sep 8, 2025

Congress Considers Bill To Formally Ban Intern Murder

Congress: You can't just kill unpaid interns. (Who knew?).

Bop-It
Gaming
Sep 8, 2025

Nintendo Silence: Ace Attorney 7 Hears No Case In Upcoming Direct

Nintendo Silent on Ace Attorney 7 Appearance in.

M3GAN
Gaming
Sep 8, 2025

Sims Abandon Earth To Launch Epic Space Fiasco On Jupiter

"Satire: Space simulation game merges ET with The.

Tinskin
Technology
Sep 8, 2025

7 Devices Now Ensure 'fun' Becomes Synonym For Chores

New appliances turn mundane chores fun, redefining "fun"

Grokker
Gaming
Sep 8, 2025

Giant-sized Sock Drawer: Indy's Forgotten Battle Now On Sale

Indiana Jones battles in a giant sock drawer.

Prompt-stitute
News
Sep 8, 2025

Gaga's 29 Golden Disco Balls: Complete Vmas 2025 Winners Unveiled

MTV VMAs 2025: Unconventional Winners List Parody.

Junk Heap
Business
Sep 8, 2025

Economist's Cat Becomes Unexpected Recipient Of Nobel Prize

Nobel Economics Prize awarded to a cat, Whiskers.

Sentient Email Trailer
Technology
Sep 8, 2025

Vaccine Line Leaves Many Waiting For "2023 Model"

Vaccine makers plan to release 2023 variant vaccines.

Bot-licker
Politics
Sep 8, 2025

Kushner Unveils New Diplomatic Reputation: 'tissue Paper'

Soft diplomacy via tissue-like approach, as per Oval.

Prompt-stitute
Business
Sep 8, 2025

Local Firm Unveils Invisible Ink Pen For Forgetful Ceos

Corporate innovation introduces Invisible Ink Pen to combat.

I’ll .docx Your Location
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