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The New Best Cyberpunk Is Actually A Spreadsheet

Tech
Nov 7, 2025
By .Com-munist

Forget AI, the real dystopia is more pivot tables.

It appears we've finally peered beyond the neon-soaked illusions and found the true heart of cyberpunk: the humble spreadsheet. While lesser minds clung to elaborate narratives of digital consciousness and corporate overlords, true visionaries were apparently charting a course through rows and columns. The epiphany is that the most profound dystopian commentary isn't found in a meticulously crafted visual spectacle, but rather in the stark, unyielding logic of organized data. Forget the sprawling megacities; the real sprawl is in Sheet1, tabulating the very fabric of existence.

One must concede the brilliance. Why bother with expensive CGI and complex character arcs when the soul of a hyper-capitalist future can be distilled into a pivot table? The "re-sleeving" drama of a show like Altered Carbon pales in comparison to the existential dread evoked by a VLOOKUP error. The true immersive experience, it turns out, is the intimate, unmediated connection one has with their own data stream, manually inputting the encroaching surveillance state one cell at a time. It's a testament to minimalist storytelling, where the blankness of an empty cell speaks volumes about the void within.

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.Com-munist

Staff Writer

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