Humanity Reaches Peak Sedentary Fitness
New desk treadmill: Perfecting the art of sedentary movement.
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New desk treadmill: Perfecting the art of sedentary movement.
Harada's corporate exit strategy: drop beats, not memos.
Humans now just pick the best AI. Our new 'thought.
Lawmakers deem discount headphones an 'essential public service.
Son's 3-day digital pilgrimage for TV. Parents just want 'Crown'.
PsycheScanner 5000s now read your thoughts. Don't worry.
Politician's portfolio now *is* policy. Talk about efficiency.
LimeWire back! Artists: prepare for free 'exposure' via AI.
Lexus recalls all. A used Cadillac was 'Lexus-grade reliable'.
Preparing your wallet for its annual, essential sacrifice.
Publication heroically ends Wordle suspense. Brains can now rest.
Expedited personal liberty now 20% off at Huckberry.
Cyber ninjas tackle con crud. Solution: not handwashing.
The catastrophic leak of *Connections* hints for 202.
Society now commits to even worse audio. Our ears demand it.
EU wins: Continent's handwriting now uniformly mediocre.
Brains are for suckers. AI does the thinking now. Progress.
ASA: Loot box ads are too bleak when truthful. Try fantasy.
Cloudflare: The internet is full. Please exit one at a time.
High Potential fans opt for cryo-sleep until 2026. Wise.
Hotels ditch mints for $9.99 Fire Sticks. Better for digestion.
LimeWire now does AI. Hard drives are safe. Minds are next.
Local genius cures Windows PC with $150 Apple Magic Trackpad.
Geopolitics mourns Epstein, the Trump-grunt whisperer.
Inconvenient truths? Absorb them all. Become the mold.
New console: 20,000 'classics.' Mostly 'falling block variant 3.
EVs: A green future, just past the initial eco-apocalypse.
Pluribus: The only show you'll ever watch. Repeatedly.
Forget AI, the real dystopia is more pivot tables.
iOS 26.2: 0.001% brighter screen, mind blown.