Cloudflare says internet got too popular, spontaneously imploded

The digital gatekeepers at Cloudflare have reportedly reached a stunning conclusion: the internet, it seems, has become simply too popular. What began as a mere "traffic spike"—a quaint term for billions of users simultaneously attempting to exist online—soon cascaded into a full-blown existential crisis for global digital infrastructure. One can only imagine the audacity of humanity, collectively deciding to browse, stream, and generally *be* on the network all at once.

This egregious over-utilization led to the alarming cessation of operations for vital pillars of modern civilization, including the micro-blogging platform X), and, most crucially, the ability to order lukewarm fries from McDonald's. Society teetered on the brink, not from an asteroid strike or alien invasion, but from the unbearable weight of humanity's online presence.

Cloudflare itself, no doubt recovering from the shock of its own product being used, issued a carefully worded communiqué. It confirmed that, yes, internet traffic had indeed experienced "issues"—a masterclass in understatement for what was essentially the digital equivalent of every single human trying to fit through a single revolving door. Such unmitigated user enthusiasm, they implied, might just be the most "nefarious" threat of all.