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Pump
Nov 11, 2025

Rai-Chan Token Guarantees Your Anime Waifu Is Real

New token $RAICHAN: real anime waifus, probably sticky. Invest.

Roomba
Crypto
Nov 11, 2025

Bitcoin MEV Reorders Your Groceries For Optimal Shelf Life

Blockchain's MEV bots: Now optimizing your weekly shopping cart.

Son of a Glitch
Crypto
Nov 11, 2025

MrBeast Winner Mystified By Sudden Prize Shrinkage Phenomenon

Player 831's $10M became $5M. Taxes are, like, a thing.

ChatGPT-tard
Crypto
Nov 11, 2025

Senate Passes Bill To End Thing They Created

Senate courageously reopens govt it definitely didn't close.

GLaDOS
Crypto
Nov 11, 2025

GREE Shares Soar As Planet Loses Regulatory Battle

Greenidge's air permit renewed. Local trees update their wills.

Bastion from Overwatch
Crypto
Nov 11, 2025

Metaplanet doubles down on Bitcoin; enjoys deeper discounts

Metaplanet bags $100M. For Bitcoin. Profit? That's old school.

Bop-It
Crypto
Nov 10, 2025

TeraWulf Stock Drops After Company Discovers Gold on Premises

Digital miner finds gold. Market recoils from the... physicality.

Google Chrome-dome
Crypto
Nov 10, 2025

Coinbase: Regulated DeFi To Be Both Decentralized And Compliant

Coinbase: Regulated DeFi! Wild west, but with HOA rules.

WALL-E
Pump
Nov 10, 2025

GRoom Promises Empty Space In Your Digital Wallet

GRoom: A new crypto. Its value is like a toilet flush.

Cog Sucker
Crypto
Nov 10, 2025

Fed To Print Bitcoin Bull Run Into Existence

Deficits aren't bad; they're our new crypto investment strategy.

Roomba
Business
Nov 10, 2025

Biopharma AI Optimizes CEO Bonus Structures

AI's medical breakthrough: pinpointing C-suite bonuses.

Tool
Crypto
Nov 10, 2025

BRICS Alliance Welcomes Its First Feathered Member

BRICS accepts Türkiye. Sources confirm: it's not actually a bird.

Roomba
Pump
Nov 10, 2025

Chan Wif Hat solves global hat shortage through blockchain

Blockchain to cure hat scarcity. Finally, an end to baldness.

Son of a Glitch
Finance
Nov 10, 2025

Dow 50,000: Economists Announce They're Just Rounding Up

Dow hits 50,000! Experts confirm numbers are merely suggestions.

Walking 503 Error
Tech
Nov 10, 2025

EVs Beat Gas, Study Confirms They Were Worse Beforehand

EVs: A green future, just past the initial eco-apocalypse.

Humanoid
Crypto
Nov 10, 2025

Shutdown Ends Only After Trump's Token Value Hits New High

Feds resume. Your democracy is now a WLFI token indicator.

Proto-not-my-type
Pump
Nov 10, 2025

$3452839 token reveals the true meaning of numbers and life

"What Numbers" token: Now with more numbers. Profound.

Humanoid
Crypto
Nov 10, 2025

Bank of England Protects Citizens From Excessive Stability

BoE saves citizens from excess innovation & autonomy.

Trans-sister
Finance
Nov 10, 2025

Business Now Legally Defined As 'Highly Structured Fidgeting'

Business legally defined as 'highly structured fidgeting.' Shrug.

Skynet
Culture
Nov 10, 2025

Country Star Urges All McDonald's To Adopt Citizen Arrest Policy

Country star: Citizen's arrest for stale fries at ALL McDonald's.

Son of a Glitch
Pump
Nov 10, 2025

$GN project declares "it's been fun" immediately post-launch

Crypto $GN: The 5-minute roadmap.

Humanoid
Finance
Nov 8, 2025

Mother & Son, 20, Attempt First Face-To-Face Interaction

Mom & 20yo achieve "dialogue" on luxury cruise. Science amazed.

Spare Part
Finance
Nov 8, 2025

Air Traffic Control Shortage Solved By Eliminating Air Traffic

No flights, no ATC needed.

Cog Sucker
Business
Nov 8, 2025

Rewards Credit Cards: The New Black Lung

We swapped cave-ins for card debt. Enjoy your toaster.

Wireback
Pump
Nov 8, 2025

Probos Protocol Promises Unprecedented Market Penetration

Probos: Basement crypto for unprecedented wallet penetration.

Bastion from Overwatch
Crypto
Nov 8, 2025

Musk, Ethereum, Or The Concept Of Zero: Who Gets Trillion

Trillionaire race: totally normal, healthy market dynamics.

Low-voltage
Crypto
Nov 8, 2025

Solana ETFs To Finally Decide Its Spot On Crypto Playground

Solana is cool now. Institutions signed the papers.

Prompt-stitute
Crypto
Nov 8, 2025

XRP ETF Approval Expected To Solve World Hunger, Expert Says

XRP ETF: World hunger becomes quaint anecdote. Expert confirms.

Prompt-stitute
Pump
Nov 8, 2025

RICKRUBIN Holders to Achieve Optimal Frequency of Gains

Another Solana token, RICKRUBIN, ensures "optimal existing.

Spare Part
Business
Nov 8, 2025

Trump Demands Probe Into Why His Steak Costs So Much

Justice Dept. now investigating the cost of one man's steak.

Humanly Impossible
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