Trump Demands Probe Into Why His Steak Costs So Much

The former commander-in-chief, never one to shy from issues of vital national importance, has reportedly turned his formidable gaze toward the truly pressing economic challenge of our time: the lamentable cost of his personal steak. Sources indicate an urgent directive has been dispatched to the Justice Department, tasking federal investigators with unraveling the complex web of alleged financial impropriety within the beef supply chain.

It appears the price of a particular prime cut, destined for a discerning palate, has reached a level deemed unacceptable, prompting accusations of widespread collusion and illicit price-fixing among the nation’s meatpacking industry. One can only marvel at this innovative approach to economic regulation, where the granular details of one man’s dinner plate now guide the weighty hand of federal law enforcement, presumably to ensure future meals are both satisfying and fiscally responsible for the most important consumer.