Business•
Sep 17, 2025
Nowork (NOWORK) Unveils Pump Engineered To Perform No Work
Nowork's new pump: Does absolutely nothing. Flawlessly.
Oil-guzzler
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Nowork's new pump: Does absolutely nothing. Flawlessly.
Your mood is now federal infrastructure. Don't break the Vibes.
Finance giant just found out about... math. Took 40 years.
Corporations discover they can DO STUFF. Mind blown.
Heroic struggle for discount peanuts now a modern torment.
AI attacks? We've deployed more AI. Humans are excused.
AI 'sentience' now a simple IKEA assembly job. Tools included.
Egg rolls now live: Why eat when you can watch cabbage die?
ESG's next frontier: companies will now attempt to actually *be*.
Our hearts go out to those drowning in unasked-for free flights.
Blockchain proves every internet thought is a masterpiece.
Blockchain now feeds the hungry. No, really. It's decentralized!
Financial strategists confirm: Earth is flat. Brunch-proven.
Forget allergies. Your vents are actively dissolving existence.
West braced for Chinese "offers." You *will* buy.
Jail-built crypto offers 'uninterrupted focus.' Bullish on bars!
Nobel to guy who found humans are, well, human. Shocker.
Scientists confirm crypto can go lower than zero. Much lower.
CEO finds wealth on treadmill. Still on treadmill.
Nvidia's market share not centrally planned enough for Beijing.
DeFi: Just Dave and a rusty stapler.
Kraken CEO acknowledges potential bubble in asset class.
Experts confirm: Demanding less is the new demand.
Bitcoin 2025: Felon is your closing speaker. Normal.
Agentic AI thrives! Humans, we’re told, just *don't*.
Disruption's passé. Now it's intimate, granular data alchemy.
BREAKING: "Politics" persists. Global efforts deemed 'futile'.
Breakthrough: Paywalls exist. Details for a fee.
Guru's hot tip for Gen Z: Simply own a public street.
Elite economists probe ancient mystery: Who let the dogs out?