Bitcoin Peak Indicator Now Just Mumbling 'Hold' Into A Paper Bag

It appears the digital seers, those much-vaunted Bitcoin bull market peak indicators, have finally succumbed to the existential dread of their own predictions. After years of apparently pinpointing the precise moment one should have disembarked from the gilded rollercoaster, these once-clairvoyant algorithms have seemingly retired to a quiet corner to mumble vaguely comforting syllables into a crumpled paper bag. Their current, and sole, directive? "Hold."

One must admire the unwavering conviction. It seems the successful "rates" attributed to these mystical mathematical constructs were, in fact, merely a prelude to their evolution into a compassionate, if utterly useless, emotional support bot. Gone are the days of precise market top signals; now, when the collective portfolio plunges well below arbitrary psychological thresholds, the sagacious indicator simply whispers, "It's going to be okay, champ. Just... hold your cryptocurrency tight." A remarkably human response for a system designed to be anything but.