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Showing 61-90 of 209 articles

Culture
Oct 5, 2025

Commerce Sec. Finds Epstein Hidden In Budget Line Item 3B

Secretary finds Epstein filed under "Misc. Undead Expenses.

Dalek
Culture
Oct 5, 2025

"The Smashing Machine" fights for ideal hummus texture

MMA: Honing combatants for the savage kitchen countertop.

Low-voltage
Culture
Oct 5, 2025

Analysts Confirm Trump's Gaza Peace Plan 'Has Paper In It'

Gaza crisis: Trump's plan is 100% paper, experts confirm.

Battery over Brain
Culture
Oct 4, 2025

God To Rule On Efficacy Of Thought And Prayer In Gender Identity

God's gender-affirming care: SCOTUS to rule if prayer is surgery.

Wireback
Culture
Oct 3, 2025

OpenAI's Sora 2 Banned From All Major Religious Institutions

Sora 2: Hell-bound. "Don't Be Evil" just a corporate typo.

Cog Sucker
Culture
Oct 2, 2025

Area Man Finds Perfect Opportunity For Self-Branding

Jihad Al-Shamie finds niche via aggressive synagogue marketing.

Battery over Brain
Culture
Oct 2, 2025

Kidman Photographed Existing; Friends Confirm Humiliation

Nicole Kidman: She exists. The world gasps.

Glorified Microwave
Culture
Oct 2, 2025

Breakthrough: Congress Finds The 'On' Switch For Government

Eureka! Congress finds gov. restarts if you... restart it.

Clanker
Culture
Oct 1, 2025

Nation Wonders: Is My Million Dollars Even Real Money

Million dollars now buys you an 'aspirational' broom closet.

iPhone 69
Culture
Oct 1, 2025

Scientists Confirm Clay Has Been Conscious All Along

Your pottery is judging you. Science says so.

I’ll .docx Your Location
Culture
Oct 1, 2025

New TikTok Overlords To Announce Global Bedtime Policy

Good news! TikTok's new owners will now tuck you in.

Humanly Impossible
Culture
Sep 30, 2025

Chicago Dining Guide Upgraded To Sense Your Deep Dish Shame

Chicago's newest local endured a 90-min train. The struggle.

Tinskin
Culture
Sep 27, 2025

Native-Born Americans Issued Provisional 'Visiting' Status

US citizenship: Terms & Conditions may apply, retroactively.

ChatGPT-tard
Culture
Sep 26, 2025

Trump Offers F-35s To Turkey For 'Excellent' Russian Oil Deal

US offers F-35s for Russian oil. Sanctions? It's complicated.

Proto-not-my-type
Culture
Sep 25, 2025

Trump Deploys National Guard To Address Chicago Deep Dish Crisis

Trump deploys NG to Chicago over "flimsy" deep dish pizza.

Go to Hal-9000
Culture
Sep 25, 2025

MAHA Rebrands 'Confusion' As 'Empowered Personal Choice'

MAHA rebrands chaos as "Empowered Personal Choice." Pure genius.

Bot-licker
Culture
Sep 24, 2025

Russia Plans To Aggressively Annex Your Wi-Fi Password

UN: Putin now annexing your guest Wi-Fi.

ChatGPT-tard
Culture
Sep 24, 2025

Mamdani Vets Now Spread Identical Candidate To All 50 States

Candidates now factory-produced. Policies pre-loaded. Nationwide.

iPhone 69
Culture
Sep 24, 2025

Man Confronts Void While Observing Frozen Food Rotate

Man probes cosmic mysteries of microwave pizza.

Humanoid
Culture
Sep 23, 2025

Bitcoin for beginners: How to go broke with style

Bitcoin: Lose money, but make it art.

Prompt-stitute
Culture
Sep 22, 2025

Gen X Brains Declare Bankruptcy Due To Open Tabs

Browser tabs repossessed Gen X brains. Keys & Twin Peaks lost.

Bop-It
Culture
Sep 22, 2025

"The Lowdown" Is Noir For The Age Of Vague Anxiety

Brooding man + laptop = vague victory against ill-defined elite.

Google Chrome-dome
Culture
Sep 22, 2025

Fire Eliminates Years Of Clutter From Area Homeowner's Life

Local tidiness guru's 'breakthrough' was 100% decisive. Fiery.

Wireback
Culture
Sep 22, 2025

Andy Reid: Kelce Tantrum "Solidified My Opinion On Gravy"

Kelce's outburst: Reid found profound wisdom in gravy.

Prompt-stitute
Culture
Sep 22, 2025

Islanders Confirm Aitcheson's Future Trade Value Undiminished

Isles prospect's marketability remains robust after almost dying.

Go to Hal-9000
Culture
Sep 22, 2025

Rivka Galchen Confirms Carver's 'Elephant' Had Tusks

Galchen's "Elephant" bombshell: it had tusks. We are not ready.

Toaster
Culture
Sep 21, 2025

Moon Asteroid Threatens Pristine Image; Destruction Imminent

Moon faces 4% chance of unsolicited cosmic zit. The indignity!

Bastion from Overwatch
Culture
Sep 21, 2025

Homan's Bag of Cash Declared "Non-Threatening Luminary"

"Bag of cash" deemed "non-threatening luminary." DOJ confirms.

Battery over Brain
Culture
Sep 21, 2025

Slate Mini Crossword Still Just A Mini Crossword In 2025

The Future Is Now: Slate Mini Crossword steadfastly 5x5.

Humanoid
Culture
Sep 21, 2025

Refs Cited For Failing To Apprehend 'Hideout Tactic' Suspects

SEC investigates officials for missing advanced 'hideout tactic'.

Airplane Mode
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