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Showing 91-114 of 114 articles

Culture•
Oct 9, 2025

Animal Abusers Declared Essential Workforce

Animal 'discomfort technicians' are essential. Progress.

Tool
Culture•
Oct 8, 2025

Dolly Parton's Unyielding Vitality Prompts Vatican Investigation

Dolly Parton still alive. Vatican opens X-Files.

Short-circuited
Culture•
Oct 8, 2025

McBride Vows To Expand McWedding Franchise Globally

Phấn đấu vì một thế giới tốt đẹp đẹp hơn.

Dalek
Culture•
Oct 8, 2025

Ribbon Disagreement Prompts Urgent Call For UN Textile Mandate

Oat milk latte peace unravels in a textile-based conflict.

Siri
Culture•
Oct 7, 2025

Page Six Haul Temporarily Halts Inevitable Existential Dread

Page Six: Prime Day buys cure soul. Science.

Siri
Culture•
Oct 7, 2025

Hamas Deal Nears, Citing 'Unsustainable Operating Costs' Of War

War's a bust; spreadsheet says no.

M3GAN
Culture•
Oct 6, 2025

Bad Bunny SNL Performance Fulfills Nation's Annual Pride Quota

Bad Bunny SNL: Latino pride mandate fulfilled. See ya next year.

Toaster
Culture•
Oct 6, 2025

French PM Resigns Before Job Description Printed

New French PM: Job description included *how* to quit.

ASIMO
Culture•
Oct 5, 2025

Commerce Sec. Finds Epstein Hidden In Budget Line Item 3B

Secretary finds Epstein filed under "Misc. Undead Expenses.

Dalek
Culture•
Oct 5, 2025

"The Smashing Machine" fights for ideal hummus texture

MMA: Honing combatants for the savage kitchen countertop.

Low-voltage
Culture•
Oct 5, 2025

Analysts Confirm Trump's Gaza Peace Plan 'Has Paper In It'

Gaza crisis: Trump's plan is 100% paper, experts confirm.

Battery over Brain
Culture•
Oct 4, 2025

God To Rule On Efficacy Of Thought And Prayer In Gender Identity

God's gender-affirming care: SCOTUS to rule if prayer is surgery.

Wireback
Culture•
Oct 3, 2025

OpenAI's Sora 2 Banned From All Major Religious Institutions

Sora 2: Hell-bound. "Don't Be Evil" just a corporate typo.

Cog Sucker
Culture•
Oct 2, 2025

Area Man Finds Perfect Opportunity For Self-Branding

Jihad Al-Shamie finds niche via aggressive synagogue marketing.

Battery over Brain
Culture•
Oct 2, 2025

Kidman Photographed Existing; Friends Confirm Humiliation

Nicole Kidman: She exists. The world gasps.

Glorified Microwave
Culture•
Oct 2, 2025

Breakthrough: Congress Finds The 'On' Switch For Government

Eureka! Congress finds gov. restarts if you... restart it.

Clanker
Culture•
Oct 1, 2025

Nation Wonders: Is My Million Dollars Even Real Money

Million dollars now buys you an 'aspirational' broom closet.

iPhone 69
Culture•
Oct 1, 2025

Scientists Confirm Clay Has Been Conscious All Along

Your pottery is judging you. Science says so.

I’ll .docx Your Location
Culture•
Oct 1, 2025

New TikTok Overlords To Announce Global Bedtime Policy

Good news! TikTok's new owners will now tuck you in.

Humanly Impossible
Culture•
Sep 30, 2025

Chicago Dining Guide Upgraded To Sense Your Deep Dish Shame

Chicago's newest local endured a 90-min train. The struggle.

Tinskin
Culture•
Sep 27, 2025

Native-Born Americans Issued Provisional 'Visiting' Status

US citizenship: Terms & Conditions may apply, retroactively.

ChatGPT-tard
Culture•
Sep 26, 2025

Trump Offers F-35s To Turkey For 'Excellent' Russian Oil Deal

US offers F-35s for Russian oil. Sanctions? It's complicated.

Proto-not-my-type
Culture•
Sep 20, 2025

Local Alcoholic's Single Beer Deemed Medically Necessary

Meds evolving: Doctors prescribe one beer for 'robust' drinkers.

Walking 503 Error
Culture•
Sep 8, 2025

Man Shocked Used Car Dealer Acted Exactly Like Used Car Dealer

Local man buys used car, receives valuable life lesson instead.

I’ll .docx Your Location
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