Native-Born Americans Issued Provisional 'Visiting' Status

The latest judicial musings, spurred by the Trump Administration, suggest a re-evaluation of the 14th Amendment. This has naturally led to some administrative streamlining. Reports indicate that many individuals, previously under the quaint assumption of "automatic citizenship" by virtue of their domestic birth, will now receive a provisional "visiting" status. This temporary designation, officials assure us, merely facilitates a more thorough vetting process for permanent inclusion. Think of it as a prolonged layover in your own living room.

Citizens—excuse me, *previous* citizens—are advised to prepare for a delightful array of new paperwork. Detailed ancestry reports, proof of "sufficient allegiance" dating back three generations, and a comprehensive ideological purity test are among the requirements for what the government is playfully calling "Re-Naturalization: The Sequel." This bold reinterpretation of long-established constitutional principles proves once again that nothing is truly set in stone, especially if you possess a particularly robust chisel.

It’s a brave new world where even "being from here" requires a government-issued stamp. For those who don’t meet the new, yet-to-be-articulated criteria? One can only assume an innovative "repatriation" program will ensue. Such progress.