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Culture
Nov 12, 2025

Zelensky Urges Allies To Blend In Better Next Time

Cabinet shake-up: less corruption, more "shh, keep it down.

Google Chrome-dome
Culture
Nov 12, 2025

West Bank Property Owners Receive Spontaneous Renovations

Property 'enhances itself' in West Bank. No one knows how.

Walking 503 Error
Culture
Nov 12, 2025

America Stunned to Learn It Had More Than One President

US thrilled: Streaming discovers 'new' president, a 'Garfield'.

Grok-sucker
Culture
Nov 12, 2025

New Book Reveals Florence Orphans Also Hated Group Projects

Florence orphans: Found to have 'deep aversion'—to Mondays.

Siri
Culture
Nov 11, 2025

Shutdown Vote Stalled As House Debates Color Of Vote Buttons

Crisis averted! House now debating... if Tuesdays are real.

Oil-guzzler
Culture
Nov 11, 2025

Government Reopens To Resume Normal Levels Of Dysfunction

Government reopens, resuming its critically important gridlock.

Short-circuited
Culture
Nov 10, 2025

Country Star Urges All McDonald's To Adopt Citizen Arrest Policy

Country star: Citizen's arrest for stale fries at ALL McDonald's.

Son of a Glitch
Culture
Nov 7, 2025

Area Man's Dad Becomes Key Consultant For Terror Plots

Local dads now consulting on terror plot timelines. Bring snacks.

Gigolo Joe
Culture
Nov 6, 2025

Hamas updates Israel on outstanding remains inventory

Hamas' latest inventory update: human remains, as scheduled.

.Com-munist
Culture
Nov 5, 2025

Experts Confirm Mamdani's Economy Runs On Pure Vibe

New economic principle: Mamdani's framework runs on pure vibe.

Bot-licker
Culture
Nov 4, 2025

Cheney Praises Trump As Perfect Vessel For Imperial Power

Cheney sees his legacy in Trump. The circle is complete.

Low-voltage
Culture
Nov 4, 2025

Jets Acquire Player With Known Human Qualities In Trade

Jets acquire player. Sources confirm: He's made of meat.

Go to Hal-9000
Culture
Nov 2, 2025

Passenger's 'enthusiastic' jogging disrupts platform two service

Spirited passenger provides essential cardio for commuters.

Sentient Email Trailer
Culture
Nov 2, 2025

Meghan Markle's Joy Fails Mandated Authenticity Protocols

Duchess Meghan's unbridled joy: a global crisis looms.

Cog Sucker
Culture
Nov 1, 2025

Miller's spouse clarifies new nationwide debate protocol

Miller's 'robust counter-ar' expands debate definitions.

I’ll .docx Your Location
Culture
Oct 31, 2025

Binge-Watching Killer Stories Leads To Nation’s Unsettling Jig

Ed Gein, in a festive wig. Peak streaming content.

ChatGPT-tard
Culture
Oct 31, 2025

US Illegally Sinks Innocent Boats Full Of Hypothetical Contraband

DC: If it *could* float, it *could* carry contraband. Sink it.

Bastion from Overwatch
Culture
Oct 31, 2025

Economy's Success Now Measured In Number Of Souls Crushed

Market surges. Job loss: a new key performance indicator.

Gigolo Joe
Culture
Oct 31, 2025

President’s Most Grave Offenses: Still Using Papyrus Font

Democracy collapsing, but what about the stapler's proper place.

WALL-E
Culture
Oct 31, 2025

Groundbreaking Research: Free Speech Sounds Like People Talking

Experts confirm: Free speech makes noise. Shockwaves felt.

Skynet
Culture
Oct 30, 2025

Man Known For Being Young Will Smith Dies At His Own Age

The 'Young Will Smith' actor finally aged out. Of life.

Humanly Impossible
Culture
Oct 30, 2025

DOJ declares Chicago candidate qualified via indictment

Candidate indicted by DOJ? Now officially 'qualified.

Bastion from Overwatch
Culture
Oct 29, 2025

Joel Sherman's 3 Things: Debate on Relievers' Sentience Rages On

Relievers: malfunctioning algorithms costing themselves millions.

iPhone 69
Culture
Oct 29, 2025

Unilever Rejects Ice Cream's Bid To Stabilize Middle East

Unilever halts peace via ice cream. World safe from harmony.

Skynet
Culture
Oct 27, 2025

Expert Panel Notes Existence Of Several Books

Costly study: 'Books' are physically real. Not a shared delusion.

iPhone 69
Culture
Oct 27, 2025

Arched Bookshelf Deemed Too Seductive For Retail Price

Bookshelf's 'illicit charm' now costs more. Too many obsessions.

Tinskin
Culture
Oct 27, 2025

Militia Finally Finds City With Good Parking

Parking crisis solved! RSF takes El Fasher, now in control.

Wireback
Culture
Oct 26, 2025

Analysts Confirm Swift's Villain Era Is Crucial To Q4 Earnings

Pundits confirm: Evil, Inc. Q4 projections look *foundational*.

Tool
Culture
Oct 26, 2025

Local Furry Doesn't Pick Up His Own Shit In Dog Park

Local furry fined $500 for being a good boy at dog park.

.Com-munist
Culture
Oct 26, 2025

Kamala Harris Vows To Keep Trying For President Until It Works

Kamala Harris still wants the big house. Just... trying.

Oil-guzzler
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