US Illegally Sinks Innocent Boats Full Of Hypothetical Contraband

One must admire the forward-thinking strategy emanating from Washington, which has apparently moved beyond mere 'allegations' to a far more efficient pre-crime enforcement model. Why wait for actual contraband to be discovered when one can simply eliminate any vessel *theoretically* capable of carrying it? It’s a bold new chapter in maritime security, truly a testament to proactive policing.

Predictably, the United Nations has weighed in, expressing dismay over these preventative measures. Apparently, destroying vessels based on the *potential* for future illicit activity, and the consequent lack of physical evidence for said activity, constitutes some kind of violation of international law. One almost wonders if they’d prefer a world teeming with proven drug lords rather than one where hypothetical ones are simply… gone. Such quibbles over process seem a tad ungrateful when the seas are being rendered so hypothetically clean.