Charles Considers Andrew's Issues Solved By Synagogue Visit

In a masterstroke of monarchical problem-solving, His Majesty King Charles recently graced the Heaton Park Hebrew Congregation Synagogue in Manchester. This ostensibly benevolent gesture, following a rather unpleasant incident involving a chap and a knife, has reportedly been hailed within palace walls as a particularly effective form of royal multi-tasking. One can almost hear the faint *thwack* of two birds being struck with a single, highly polished stone: community reassurance, and rather conveniently, the subtle but undeniable rectification of lingering reputational woes surrounding a certain Duke.

Sources close to the throne – by which we mean a particularly vocal raven on the Tower – suggest that the King's mere presence has a surprisingly potent effect on historical controversies. Indeed, reports indicate that the brief royal walkabout has proven more efficacious than countless legal bills and an ill-advised television interview in rehabilitating, or at least diverting attention from, the rather sticky situation involving Prince Andrew. It appears the monarchical compass, once pointed firmly at a synagogue, effortlessly recalibrates the moral standing of any problematic kin, no matter how egregious their past choices. A tidy bit of work, if you ask us.