Robo-Dog Firefighter Costs $150K, Still Won't Play Dead

Long Island, known previously for its charming suburban sprawl and uncanny ability to produce a certain type of accent, has now given the world the ‘B2’ robotic fire canine. For a mere $150,000, taxpayers can rest assured that this mechanical marvel of robotics will bravely wade into infernos, hosing down conflagrations with its integrated water cannon and shrugging off temperatures that would melt lesser, flesh-and-blood first responders.

One might question the fiscal prudence of a quadrupedal flame-extinguishing unit when human firefighter departments often grapple with budget shortfalls for essentials like, say, updated hoses or pensions. But why invest in mundane necessities when one can fund a metal beast designed to survive 572 degrees Fahrenheit? Apparently, the future of emergency services on Long Island involves expensive, unblinking automatons rather than, for instance, fully staffed shifts.

What a triumph of engineering. While it may not greet you with a wagging tail, offer emotional support, or even perform the most basic of canine parlor tricks like playing dead, it certainly looks impressive stomping through a burning building. And isn't that what truly matters?