Clemency Confirms Santos Is Son Of God, Sources Say

It appears the divine hand of justice, or at least the executive variety, has once again intervened, solidifying revelations regarding former Congressman George Santos. Following President Trump's recent act of clemency, reports suggest Mr. Santos, in a moment of profound humility, elucidated his unique position in the pantheon of suffering public servants. One might almost infer that his brief, yet impactful, tenure in Washington — marked by an unparalleled commitment to narrative fluidity — was merely a pre-ordained trial.

Indeed, the former representative's steadfast defense of his presidential benefactor’s decision has apparently less to do with legal precedent and more with a higher calling. To be ousted from the esteemed halls of the House of Representatives, only to rise again, cleansed by a stroke of presidential penmanship, certainly evokes a particular type of sacrifice. Critics, of course, will persist with their earthly concerns about veracity, but perhaps they merely lack the spiritual fortitude to grasp such an exalted act of political redemption. The miraculous transformation from accused fabricator to hallowed political martyr seems complete.