Jets Leaders Ponder If 'Stepping Up' Is Metaphorical

The esteemed leadership of the New York Jets is reportedly locked in a strategic huddle, not to devise a winning play, but to decipher the nuanced linguistic implications of "stepping up." Sources close to the organization indicate a protracted debate over whether the idiom refers to a literal elevation of physical position – perhaps via a sturdy stool – or a more abstract commitment to enhanced performance. This existential quandary, we are told, constitutes the team's "darkest hour," eclipsing mere on-field incompetence.

Even the vocal pronouncements of star cornerback Sauce Gardner have seemingly only complicated matters, prompting further queries into the precise decibel level and tonal qualities required for one's "voice" to be adequately "heard." The consensus, so far, appears to be that a literal step *onto* a soapbox might be required before any actual improvement manifests, a notion some are calling a profound new strategy for the National Football League.

One veteran coach, speaking anonymously, admitted: "If we knew how to 'step up,' we probably wouldn't be questioning if 'winning' was a synonym for 'not losing quite so badly'." The search for a dictionary, apparently, is ongoing.