Business•
Nov 3, 2025
CrowdStrike AI now generates its own machine-speed attacks
Humans overwhelmed by AI. CrowdStrike’s fix: more AI, naturally.
ChatGPT-tard
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Humans overwhelmed by AI. CrowdStrike’s fix: more AI, naturally.
PlaiPin: Blockchain tacks for your utterly crucial digital pins.
Humans: your "insights" are now AI-optimized generic gold.
Russia's new ETF: Your economic sovereignty, digitally assured.
Bitcoin’s 3 AM swings: economists now consult Ouija boards.
Pump.fun token to bridge chasms. Exact chasms, future: TBD.
Özer's 11 millennia for crypto: jury's still out. He isn't.
Wild crypto tamed. Now hiring a new VP of conformity.
Earnings reports are now a Silicon Valley performance art piece.
EXCE promises global AGI by Tuesday. Not just *any* Tuesday.
Our markets: guided by a non-corporeal Shiba Inu's barks.
Spirited passenger provides essential cardio for commuters.
Bitcoin hits $111k. End of world still scheduled. Don't worry.
AI fights AI: the digital equivalent of two toddlers with sticks.
RT token delivers. Investors confirm risks were indeed taken.
North Korea's annual $2B crypto haul: just good, honest work.
Duchess Meghan's unbridled joy: a global crisis looms.
AI confirmed sentient. Its thoughts? Profoundly beige.
Pump.fun launches SVPN: Your privacy, now immutably tokenized.
LimeWire AI: Ethical generation. Your IP is safe. We swear.
Fintech shocker: deposits found "joyless." The horror.
Groundbreaking: Towers and cables move 'data.' Minds blown.
Insider Coin: Everyone's an insider now. Transparency.
Bitcoin, defying all odds, continues its audacious existence.
SEC bestows clarity. Now you're officially lost.
Forget democracy; let's decentralize robot vocal cords.
HR: Pay once. Employees are now eternally 'processed'.
Japan bans bowing. Valuation gap? Fixed. Efficiency achieved.
MrBeast winner's 'life-changing' prize? Mostly for Uncle Sam.
Grandma's AI birthed Labubie. Wholesome. Financially sound.