Study Finds Bitcoin Still Running, Not Yet Deactivated

It appears the much-vaunted digital ledger, Bitcoin, has once again defied its detractors by… *continuing to exist*. A recent analysis confirms that the decentralized system, famously launched by a modest whitepaper 17 years ago, has not, in fact, been remotely deactivated. This truly groundbreaking news comes as a relief to anyone who feared their digital assets might simply vanish into the ether, perhaps due to a celestial event or an oversight by its anonymous creator.

Observers note the unparalleled achievement of a computer protocol managing to avoid spontaneous combustion for nearly two decades. While traditional financial instruments might boast returns, security, or even practical utility, Bitcoin continues to offer the reassuring promise of not having ceased functioning entirely. It's a testament to… something, that merely maintaining operational status is now cause for international celebration among its fervent adherents. One can only imagine the jubilant scenes if it were to also achieve widespread adoption as actual currency.