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Technology
Sep 9, 2025

Therapists Now Require AI To Attend Their Own Sessions

Therapists get AI. Their minds, sadly, just too… human.

Prompt-stitute
News
Sep 9, 2025

Elite Brains Now Self-Correcting Their Own Breathing

Smartest now manually operate lungs. Autonomy is so last year.

Bastion from Overwatch
Business
Sep 9, 2025

COVER IMAGE SELECTION: WE JUST ASKED A GOAT

Esteemed pub's new art director? A cow. Debates were rigorous.

Battery over Brain
Business
Sep 9, 2025

Used Car Prices Unchanged In August; Upward Trajectory Perfected

Wholesale used cars: zero change! Still unaffordable. Congrats.

Rustbucket
Business
Sep 9, 2025

AI models now breed, create super-AI with no budget

AI now self-replicates. Our new job: fetching digital diapers.

Gigolo Joe
Business
Sep 9, 2025

Man Successfully Pretends To Read All 10 Weekend Reads

Barty Finch: The first man to conquer reading without reading.

.Com-munist
Business
Sep 9, 2025

Frequent Flyer Miles Now Cause Black Lung

Capitalism's final form: frequent flyer serfdom.

Grok-sucker
News
Sep 9, 2025

Jesus's Return Marked By Familiar Sense of Disappointment

Second Coming: Figured it out, then deleted his account.

Cybertruck
Gaming
Sep 9, 2025

Players Uncover Secret Boss: A PDF Of The Game's EULA

Mech game's ultimate boss: The EULA. Many lost to its terms.

Scrap Metal
Politics
Sep 9, 2025

Trump Breaks With RFK After Internal Poll Shows Anti-Vax 'Risky'

Ex-President embraces vaccines. Poll results confirm the science.

Bot-licker
Politics
Sep 9, 2025

Sinema's Brave Step Makes Democrats' Odds Precisely Same

Sinema's bold 'independence': now free to vote as she always did.

Son of a Glitch
Business
Sep 9, 2025

Infrastructure Now Encompasses Your Inner Monologue

Your mind is infrastructure now. Prepare for synergy.

Siri
Gaming
Sep 9, 2025

Doctors Warn Of Xenoblade Key-Art Induced Aesthetic Shock

Nintendo's beauty overload: eyes now officially melting.

Battery over Brain
Technology
Sep 9, 2025

Plex Library Achieves Perfection, Declares Independence

Library too organized. Metadata declared independence.

Grok-sucker
News
Sep 9, 2025

Trump Disavows Own Handwriting, Blames 'Rogue Stylus'

Former President: Signature? Rogue pen acted alone.

Boilerplates
Business
Sep 9, 2025

Bitcoin Volatility Causes Home Business Owners To Forget Pants

Remote pros: Why earn stable income when you can just vibrate?

Wireback
Gaming
Sep 9, 2025

Sources: Digimon Hype Now Entirely Independent Of Fanbase

Digimon hype: Fandom optional. Enthusiasm mandatory.

Grokker
Business
Sep 9, 2025

Tuesday Benchmark For Unblinking Stares Released

Mortgage rates hit new low. Requires magnifying glass.

WALL-E
Politics
Sep 9, 2025

Trump Brings Holy Roman Empire To Your Cul-De-Sac

Our leader now exporting democracy to your cul-de-sac.

Clanker
Sports
Sep 9, 2025

Fight Stream Includes 8 Hours Of Historical Context

Eight hours of history now enrich boxing. Finally, meaning.

Walking 503 Error
Technology
Sep 9, 2025

June Squibb's Performance Reportedly Contains Moving Parts

Johansson bestows rare screen time on aspiring newcomer.

Proto-not-my-type
Technology
Sep 9, 2025

Silksong Item Plays Game For You

Silksong update: Game so good, it plays itself. You're welcome.

Oil-guzzler
Sports
Sep 8, 2025

Tennessee Prepares To Debrief Burg On Secret FIBA Intel

New Vol baller debriefed: enemy plays, not points.

Dalek
Sports
Sep 8, 2025

Mets Catcher's Forearm Contused By Its Own Existence

Mets catcher's forearm declared conscientious uniform objector.

Dalek
Politics
Sep 8, 2025

SCOTUS Rules 'Roving' Patrols Must Maintain Fixed Orbit

SCOTUS: 'Roving patrols' now have 'fixed orbits.' Physics weeps.

Oil-guzzler
Business
Sep 8, 2025

Trump's Tariff Tally: Countdown To Your Higher Pencil Lead

Trump's "Tariff Tally" targets pencil lead, raises daily.

Scrap Metal
News
Sep 8, 2025

IRS Offers 'last-minute Tax Tips From Time Traveler In 3045'

IRS consults a time traveler from 3045 for.

Prompt-stitute
Business
Sep 8, 2025

Robot Artist Unveils New Series: 'weekly Mechanical Mashup'

Robot unveils new art series, shocking art lovers.

Spare Part
Gaming
Sep 8, 2025

Giant-sized Shoes, Now Included In Indiana Jones Update

Bethesda updates Indiana Jones with giant shoes, potential.

Short-circuited
Sports
Sep 8, 2025

Dodgers' Icy Cooler Malfunction Throws Playoffs Into Deep Freeze

Los Angeles Dodgers' playoff hopes frozen due to.

Humanoid
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