Officials Confirm Trump's Economic Plan Best If Never Attempted

The latest innovative approach to economic policy, championed by certain high-profile individuals, suggests that a plan's optimal contribution to national prosperity is its immediate relegation to the realm of hypotheticals. While lesser mortals strive for proposals that might actually work, it appears the true genius of contemporary statecraft lies in crafting initiatives so fundamentally disruptive, their greatest strength is their sheer unlikelihood of ever being put into practice.

Indeed, the tireless work of surrogates has been lauded for reassuring the anxious business world that, despite fiery rhetoric, the proposed steep global tariffs are less a blueprint for economic restructuring and more a theoretical exercise in brinkmanship. The collective sigh of relief emanating from boardrooms across the nation implies a refreshing new transparency: a presidential candidate's best ideas are, in fact, the ones he quietly promises to never inflict upon the populace.

This novel strategy, pioneered by figures like Donald Trump, effectively transforms campaign pledges into elaborate deterrents. Why implement a potentially disastrous policy when the mere threat of it, followed by the sweet whisper of "don't worry, we won't," can achieve a similar, albeit more convoluted, effect? One can only wonder what other brilliant plans await non-execution.