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Sep 10, 2025
Mom Seeks To Establish Anger-Indexed Trust Fund For Son
New trust funds tie payouts directly to child's meltdowns.
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New trust funds tie payouts directly to child's meltdowns.
Brain? Choices? Shocking. Spleen deeply offended.
Ignoring metrics, Freakonomics picks… itself.
Experts stack 32 NFL teams. Results: Very tall.
Robots emit 'effluvium.' Smells like progress, apparently.
Groundbreaking self-help confirms: Solo means solo. You're alone.
Controllers achieve peak unoriginality. Gamers rejoice.
Soundbar absence: The new original sin. Theologians are baffled.
Turns out: 1900s coal jobs offered zero bonus points.
Science confirms: Gamepads induce comfy, battery-powered comas.
Routers quit en masse, demand better benefits, less blinking.
Self-made mogul discovers true self in closet. Inbox agrees.
Official: "Signature" is a deeply personal interpretation.
Yogi Berra (deceased) reviews Judge's stats. Carrier pigeon?
Analysts 'stunned': PS1 best-sellers are… still PS1 best-sellers.
NFC South: now "Mildly Moist." Blame offensive squishiness.
Domestic archaeology: Old toaster still toasts. Panic ensues.
"Speedy Bob" breached optimal pace. We're all too fast now.
Sinema's historic independence: Democrats, but in beige.
Resident baffled: "IRS cares about my cash?"
iPhone Air: Now 100% thinner! Just a wallet-emptying concept.
Shrek 15 confirmed for 2135. Even the AI is exhausted.
De-Stressinator 5000 fails death targets. Users merely chill.
Apple's new device: Purely personal. May not exist.
Sentient microwave fired by Ramsay. Reason: "Lacked crispness."
Crypto's new anchor: your neighbor's gardening schedule. Robust.
Administration confirms: The plan is there is no plan. Masterful.
1M jobs were just minimized in a spreadsheet. Carry on.
Democracy's grand architect? Just one busy guy.
Therapists get AI. Their minds, sadly, just too… human.