New AI Model 94% Neutral, Still Can't Decide On Pizza Toppings

In a development sure to pacify the most agitated minds, the good people at Anthropic have unveiled their latest artificial intelligence model, scoring an impressive 94% on the ever-critical metric of "political even-handedness." This groundbreaking revelation suggests that our digital overlords are not merely advancing; they are now mastering the noble art of fence-sitting, almost perfectly. One can only imagine the arduous training process: endless debates on the nutritional value of kale versus a double cheeseburger, without ever expressing a preference.

This triumph of algorithmic indifference arrives just in time, as the cultural skirmish over "woke AI" threatens to engulf Silicon Valley in a passionate debate about whether a chatbot should ever suggest composting. With 94% neutrality, Anthropic's creation can confidently state that, while it *could* recommend sustainable energy solutions, it also finds the argument for artisanal coal equally compelling. It's a marvel of non-committal programming, poised to offer insights on quantum physics with the same bland disinterest it shows towards the intricacies of a hotly contested dog park dispute. A truly balanced machine, incapable of offending anyone, primarily because it's incapable of caring.