Bitcoin 'Death Cross' Confirmed Not To Involve Actual Cross

Financial markets are once again bracing for the much-anticipated "death cross," a term that, despite its evocative imagery, has been definitively confirmed not to involve any actual crosses. Sources close to the situation reveal that neither crucifixes nor any other symbolic wooden structures are expected to descend upon the digital asset landscape. This groundbreaking insight comes courtesy of analysts, who, after extensive deliberation, have clarified that the convergence of a shorter-term moving average below a longer-term one is merely a technical indicator, not a divine prophecy of market apocalypse.

The relief among investors, particularly those who might have confused the market signal with a more literal interpretation of impending doom, is palpable. One can only imagine the wasted time spent by certain fringe communities, preparing for a spiritual reckoning rather than simply rebalancing their portfolios. Market analysis has reached the stunning conclusion that no actual grim reaper will be collecting anyone's cryptocurrency holdings, and the greatest danger posed by this so-called "death cross" is primarily to one's sleep schedule. Perhaps future terminology should favour less dramatic labels, such as "the slightly downward numerical wobble."