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Culture
Sep 30, 2025

Chicago Dining Guide Upgraded To Sense Your Deep Dish Shame

Chicago's newest local endured a 90-min train. The struggle.

Tinskin
Crypto
Sep 29, 2025

MrBeast Winner Struggles With Poverty After $5M Payout

MrBeast winner 'suffers' $5M prize, 'forced' to fund society.

Tool
Crypto
Sep 29, 2025

Bitcoin's 'New Reality' involves mandatory HR compliance training

Crypto's rebellion now legally requires air conditioning.

Tool
Finance
Sep 29, 2025

Cover Image Chosen Via Highly Scientific Coin Flip

Journalism: Deep thoughts on free speech. And spotting a gen.

Spare Part
Pump
Sep 29, 2025

New Coper Protocol Converts Loss Into Pure, Unadulterated Hopium

$COPER: Embrace market collapse with blockchain-powered denial.

Gigolo Joe
Crypto
Sep 29, 2025

Quantum Computers Learning To Count To Zero, Threaten Bitcoin

Quantum computers now count to zero. Bitcoin doomed, say pundits.

Tinskin
Tech
Sep 29, 2025

Ultralight Backpackers Accidentally Achieve Weightlessness

Ultralight hikers achieve spontaneous lift. Gravity is confused.

Prompt-stitute
Crypto
Sep 29, 2025

Trending Chart Triumphantly Deletes Cardano From Existence

Chart decreed Cardano non-existent. Remittix now #1, obviously.

Battery over Brain
Pump
Sep 29, 2025

OMNITRADING Protocol To Trade The Untradeable

OMNI conquers the untradeable on Pump.fun. Nothing to see here.

Cybertruck
Tech
Sep 29, 2025

U.S. Deploys Elite Drivers To Germany Amid Nürburgring Tensions

Pentagon to Germany: Potholes now a national security threat.

Low-voltage
Finance
Sep 29, 2025

Mom-Daughter Trip Planning So Optimized It Created A Black Hole

Mother-daughter duo project-manages leisure to death.

Skynet
Crypto
Sep 29, 2025

Russian State Bank Now Offers Controlled Crypto Freedom

Sberbank's "blockchain freedom" ETF. You're welcome, comrade.

Junk Heap
Pump
Sep 29, 2025

HESOYAM Coin Holders Confirm Infinite HP, Unlimited Funds

HESOYAM grants infinite health, funds. Product optional.

Google Chrome-dome
Crypto
Sep 29, 2025

France Just Meddling In Moldova Vote To See If Anyone Noticed

Croissant-fueled plot: France redecorates Moldova's ballot boxes.

Humanly Impossible
Crypto
Sep 29, 2025

Earth's Future Hinges On 16 Upcoming Crypto Fund Verdicts

Our collective fate? SEC crypto ETF forms. Pray for paperwork.

Siri
Crypto
Sep 29, 2025

NiggaLiquid Pioneers New Financial Instruments For Ancestral Debt

Ancestral debt? There's a blockchain for that. Problem solved.

Short-circuited
Finance
Sep 29, 2025

Economists Baffled: Business Continues To Exist

Economists baffled: 'Business' inexplicably continues. Shocking.

ChatGPT-tard
Pump
Sep 29, 2025

CAPTAINCOIN Charts Course To Be The Captain Of Your Fridge

CAPTAINCOIN: Your old yogurt's new, decentralized overlord.

Humanly Impossible
Business
Sep 28, 2025

Adams Abandons Reelection, Blames His Own Incipient Extremism

Adams quits election, citing 'extremism.' Self-identified source.

Airplane Mode
Pump
Sep 28, 2025

GMEN Token Aims To Decentralize Generosity Itself

Generosity tokenized. Finally, giving without personal choice.

Go to Hal-9000
Tech
Sep 28, 2025

Trump Ensures TikTok Data Now Mined By True Patriots

Trump assures: only *our* guys steal your data now.

ChatGPT-tard
Tech
Sep 28, 2025

AI To Transform Content Creation; Your Brain Now Optional

AI writes your content. Your unique voice is now data.

Clanker
Pump
Sep 28, 2025

Serpent Token Announces Strategic Shedding of Q1 Investors

SPT 'sheds' investors for a sleeker, emptier wallet design.

Junk Heap
Crypto
Sep 28, 2025

Regulated Decentralized Finance Completes Transition To 'Finance'

Decentralized Finance now just 'Finance.' Progress achieved.

Grokker
Tech
Sep 28, 2025

Former Piracy Giant LimeWire Pivots to Ethical AI

LimeWire: from digital piracy to... ethical AI. Yep.

Battery over Brain
Finance
Sep 28, 2025

Nation Now Out Of Existing Homes To Even Pretend To Sell

Housing market reaches peak efficiency: nothing to sell.

.Com-munist
Pump
Sep 28, 2025

Medbed Token Cures All Ills, Just Add Liquidity

"Medbed" card cures all... if you consider screen numbers a balm.

Walking 503 Error
Business
Sep 28, 2025

Merged Health System Now Top-Ranked In Form Distribution

BJC: Unrivaled masters of the patient intake form.

Junk Heap
Business
Sep 28, 2025

Study: Cheapest Autumn Business Trip Is The One You Don't Take

Travel for 'crisp air,' boost airline profits. Genius strategy.

WALL-E
Crypto
Sep 28, 2025

BSE Rejects Listing For Firm That Smells Faintly Of Ethereum

Bombay Stock Exchange: "Smells like Ethereum? Nope." Innovation.

Spare Part
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