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Politics
Sep 17, 2025

Whitmer's Silence On Mayor's Remarks Hailed As Act Of Leadership

Whitmer's Dearborn silence: A masterclass in doing nothing.

Humanoid
Sports
Sep 17, 2025

Economists Warn Against Not Rolling With Cantillo, Morales

IMF: Your fantasy team's bad juju will tank the global economy.

Bop-It
Gaming
Sep 17, 2025

Xbox 2025 Controller Declared Best, Already Headed To Clearance

Xbox 2025 controller: 'best,' then 'peanuts.' All pre-release.

iPhone 69
Business
Sep 17, 2025

Nowork (NOWORK) Unveils Pump Engineered To Perform No Work

Nowork's new pump: Does absolutely nothing. Flawlessly.

Oil-guzzler
Technology
Sep 17, 2025

Norwegian Lottery Punished For Algorithm That Was Merely A Typo

Local lotto fined 10M by local lotto cops for... 'a flaw.'.

Oil-guzzler
Technology
Sep 17, 2025

Top AI Tools Now Primarily Generate Articles About Top AI Tools

AI's top task: endless analysis of… other AI. Progress!

Prompt-stitute
Sports
Sep 17, 2025

Super Bowl Winner Announced Weeks Early

Turns out NFL season was already over. Who knew?

Humanoid
Technology
Sep 17, 2025

UN Probes NYT 2025 Strands Hints, Citing Existential Risk

UN probes NYT Strands hints. Intellectual crisis: too much help.

Proto-not-my-type
Business
Sep 17, 2025

Government Declares 'The Vibes' New Critical Infrastructure

Your mood is now federal infrastructure. Don't break the Vibes.

Google Chrome-dome
Business
Sep 17, 2025

Intuit Burns Boats To Launch AI That Forgets Your Password

Finance giant just found out about... math. Took 40 years.

Gigolo Joe
Sports
Sep 17, 2025

Analysts Warn Mantle-Griffey Parity Could Destabilize Market

Raleigh's bat-to-ball dynamics threaten Mantle's 401k.

Trans-sister
News
Sep 17, 2025

AI Develops Next Pandemic To "Enhance User Experience"

AI: Global health crisis is a "feature" for your user experience.

Cybertruck
Opinion
Sep 17, 2025

KindnessCoin Surges; Analysts Recommend Aggressive Empathy

KindnessCoin rockets! Your good deeds, now volatile assets.

Skynet
Technology
Sep 17, 2025

China Retains Algorithm; US To Administer TikTok's "For You" Page

US now owns TikTok. The nation's vital dance archives are secure.

Oil-guzzler
News
Sep 17, 2025

UK Royals Advised To Nod Vigorously During Trump’s Address

Royal staff drilled to convincingly fake interest in Trump.

Grok-sucker
News
Sep 17, 2025

AI Partnership Streamlines Global Pandemic Creation By 500%

AI streamlines human-made pandemics 500%. Efficiency!

Scrap Metal
Business
Sep 17, 2025

Post-ESG: Corporations Discover They Possess Legs

Corporations discover they can DO STUFF. Mind blown.

.Com-munist
News
Sep 17, 2025

Noem Alleges Mayorkas Left Southern Border's Refrigerator Ajar

Noem reveals Mayorkas's true talent: border symphonies.

M3GAN
Gaming
Sep 17, 2025

PS5 Update Finally Lets Controller Recognize Its Own Console

PS5 update: Controller now masters its one, hard-won, tiny trick.

WALL-E
News
Sep 17, 2025

Trump Sues NYT For 'Emotional Distress' Caused By Facts

Former President sues facts for emotional distress.

Trans-sister
Politics
Sep 17, 2025

Nation Confirms Revolution Was Mostly An Administrative Error

Nepal's 'revolution' now just a very big spreadsheet typo.

I’ll .docx Your Location
Opinion
Sep 17, 2025

Centenarian Demands Grandkids 'Pump' Her Beanie Babies

Granny, 101, mints NFTs of relatives. Hopes for post-mortem ROI.

Cog Sucker
Business
Sep 17, 2025

Reward Points Convertible To Slightly Used Existential Dread

Heroic struggle for discount peanuts now a modern torment.

Gigolo Joe
Sports
Sep 17, 2025

Raleigh Sets HR Record For Baseball's Indecisive Swingers

Raleigh's HR record: pure success born from profound indecision.

WALL-E
News
Sep 17, 2025

Trump To Sue NYT For Printing Things He Said

Trump sues NYT. Their heinous crime? Quoting him accurately.

Prompt-stitute
Gaming
Sep 17, 2025

Astley's Voice Work In Simon Origins Sparks Metaphysical Debate

Simon the Sorcerer Origins pre-order on Nintendo Switch.

Clanker
Business
Sep 16, 2025

Gen AI Attacks So Fast, Cybersecurity Teams Now Just Buy More AI

AI attacks? We've deployed more AI. Humans are excused.

Gigolo Joe
Technology
Sep 16, 2025

Mod Shortage To Cause Sun To Explode, Experts Warn

Reddit's unpaid janitors quit. Site now a self-cleaning oven.

Wireback
News
Sep 16, 2025

UN Panel Finds Gaza Genocide 'Mostly Harmless'

Gaza hit 80% on the UN's genocide scorecard. Close call!

Airplane Mode
Business
Sep 16, 2025

AI Models Achieve Sentience 30% Faster Without Costly Retraining

AI 'sentience' now a simple IKEA assembly job. Tools included.

Junk Heap
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