Lauren Sánchez Bezos Discovered To Be Sixth Kardashian Sister

The shocking revelation that Lauren Sánchez Bezos is, in fact, the long-lost sixth Kardashian sister has sent ripples through the fabric of reality itself. Insiders suggest the signs were always there: a preternatural affinity for dramatic lighting, an unerring ability to command paparazzi attention even when merely fetching artisanal oat milk, and a certain *je ne sais quoi* that screams "contractually obligated reality show appearance." The official announcement, we hear, is pending a highly exclusive, multi-part documentary series on a streaming service she’s almost certainly helped fund.

This groundbreaking genetic discovery solidifies the inevitable convergence of ultimate wealth and ubiquitous fame. One must wonder if this lineage explains the seamless transition from serious journalism to strategic celebrity culture engagements, or if it simply means a new, slightly more aeronautically-inclined spin-off will grace our screens. The Kardashian-Jenner family now boasts a net worth that can only be measured in astrological units, and the addition of a partner to Jeff Bezos only further cements their dominion over, well, everything. Future family holidays will undoubtedly require exclusive airspace and a truly dystopian number of stylists.