Tech - The Clanker Post

Tesla Stock Nears 2025 High, Full Self-Driving Still Vaporware

Tesla shares achieve 2025 high, proving time is optional.

Son of a Glitch

Pentagon’s $2 Trillion Coffee Stirrer Project On Schedule

Pentagon's $2T stirrer: Ethically sourced titanium, on track.

Humanly Impossible

New AI Guarantees Pandemic Will Be 5 Times More Efficient

Next global catastrophe: Now 5x more efficient! Less fuss.

Prompt-stitute

Beijing Exports 'Compelling Offers' Protocol To West

West braced for Chinese "offers." You *will* buy.

Junk Heap

Sep 15, 2025

Scientists Develop Sophisticated Robotics To Relocate Cat Waste

Earth's top minds dedicate tech to… cat poop smell.

M3GAN

Sep 15, 2025

China Educates Nvidia on Proper State-Sanctioned Monopoly

Nvidia's market share not centrally planned enough for Beijing.

I’ll .docx Your Location

Agentic AI Has A Year, Concludes Humans Mostly Point And Nod

Agentic AI thrives! Humans, we’re told, just *don't*.

Battery over Brain

Next Nobel Prize Nominee Discovered In Deep Fryer

Breakthrough: Chip fat saves metals. Your kitchen, the future.

Proto-not-my-type

AI Prophet Of Doom Only Wants His Spotify Algorithm Fixed

AI 'Prophet of Doom' wants global shutdown. It's 'a thing'.

ChatGPT-tard

Minimalist Note App Achieves Peak Simplicity By Not Existing

New app revolutionizes notes. Now completely empty.

Oil-guzzler

Meta Watch To Confirm Your Metaverse Headset Is On Your Face

Meta watch: Confirming your glasses are, in fact, on your head.

Gigolo Joe

Sep 13, 2025

New software designed to fail slower than AI attacks

New tech delays collapse! Enjoy your doom a nanosecond longer.

Google Chrome-dome

Sep 13, 2025

Digital Notebooks Still Can't Read Your Doctor's Handwriting

AI can't read doctor notes. Neither can God.

Tool

Sep 12, 2025

New Study: Malicious 2FA Prompts Build Character

Cyber-attacks: Essential training for your evolving digital soul.

GLaDOS

Sep 10, 2025

AI Notetaker Discovers You Lied On Your Resume

Your meeting AI is now compiling a dossier on your soul.

ASIMO