Tesla Stock Nears 2025 High, Full Self-Driving Still Vaporware

The financial soothsayers have spoken, declaring that shares of Tesla are hurtling towards a "2025 high," an impressive feat considering we are still firmly planted in the year prior. This forward-thinking valuation presumably accounts for the revolutionary breakthroughs promised, but not yet delivered, in its vaunted Full Self-Driving (FSD) suite. One must admire the market's unwavering faith in a future that remains perpetually just around the corner, much like that elusive level 5 autonomy.

While investors are busy high-fiving over future profits, the average Tesla owner is still largely in charge of, you know, *driving* their vehicle. FSD, the software that continually promises to whisk us away from the drudgery of steering, continues its magnificent evolution from "beta" to "advanced beta" to "almost definitely going to be ready next year, maybe." It’s truly a marvel of engineering, delivering an unparalleled experience in anticipatory software updates and the thrill of hoping your car doesn't mistake a shadow for a child.

Perhaps the greatest innovation isn't the electric vehicle itself, but the sheer market capitalization built upon the purest form of speculative optimism. Elon Musk must be truly proud of this future-proof strategy.