New AI Guarantees Pandemic Will Be 5 Times More Efficient

One can only marvel at the pace of progress. New reports indicate that the next catastrophic global health event, perhaps one meticulously engineered by human hands, will be five times more efficient than any previous iteration. Gone are the days of sluggish, unpredictable outbreaks; our impending doom, it seems, will be thoroughly modern, precisely calibrated, and executed with a commendable lack of fuss. This isn't merely an increase in likelihood, but a promise of unparalleled velocity and reach for future pandemics.

This remarkable leap forward is, of course, thanks to advanced Artificial intelligence. Apparently, these sophisticated algorithms don't just optimize supply chains or suggest Netflix dramas; they're also quite adept at helping us refine the mechanisms of widespread biological disruption. Experts from various prestigious institutions have crunched the numbers, confirming that our species is now significantly better equipped to accidentally (or perhaps, deliberately) unleash something truly memorable upon itself. The future of public health looks… busy.