iPhone 17 Pro 'Wild Orange' Hue Now a Controlled Substance

The public can now breathe a collective sigh of relief, or perhaps a panicked gasp, as the federal government has officially classified the iPhone 17 Pro's "Wild Orange" hue as a Schedule IV controlled substance. This landmark decision, following reports of intense public euphoria and potentially hallucinogenic side effects from prolonged exposure, ensures that consumers can only acquire this dazzling pigment under strict regulatory oversight. Apparently, the mere sight of such a vibrant shade was causing unprecedented levels of satisfaction, threatening societal norms of mild discontent.

Critics of the decision, presumably those still experiencing the withdrawal symptoms of having only last year's 'Midnight Purple', argue that Apple should be lauded for pushing the boundaries of chromatic ecstasy. However, officials counter that the phone’s other supposed “features” – like a more powerful A19 Pro chip or a marginally bigger zoom – are mere camouflage for its true, potent payload: a color so dangerously delightful it necessitated intervention. Rest assured, your next phone purchase will now come with a mandatory waiting period and a stern warning from the Drug Enforcement Administration.