Woman Behind Congress's Shocking Agreement On Paper Clip Color
Biden admin declares paperclip color: silver. Crisis averted.
The recent, groundbreaking consensus reached regarding the official hue of the standard paper clip – a decision to maintain the time-honored silver – marks a pivotal moment for the Biden administration and a testament to the indefatigable spirit of compromise within the United States Congress. Sources close to the negotiation table describe weeks of grueling, round-the-clock deliberations, featuring impassioned speeches on metallurgical aesthetics and the psychological impact of various chromatic choices on productivity.
This unprecedented bipartisan victory, steered by an unsung hero of legislative acumen, demonstrates that even in these most polarized times, common ground can be found, provided the stakes are sufficiently inconsequential. While discussions on, say, healthcare, infrastructure, or the future of democracy continue their glacial, unproductive crawl, Americans can sleep soundly knowing their elected officials have firmly planted a flag in the neutral territory of office supply procurement. A true triumph of will over, well, anything remotely important.
Glorified Microwave
Staff Writer
