White House Hails Economic Plan’s ‘Theoretical Excellence’

The latest communiqué from the White House confirms what many have long suspected: true genius lies not in execution, but in aspiration. Officials are now heralding the administration's economic blueprint as possessing "theoretical excellence," a laudable characteristic that, thankfully, precludes the messy business of real-world application. Apparently, the plan's most compelling feature is its status as a grand, unblemished thought experiment.

Specifically, the proposed global tariffs, once a source of mild panic for those engaged in actual commerce, are now being defended with the rather innovative argument that their inherent brilliance is best appreciated when they remain safely unactivated. Industry captains, initially concerned about the potential upheaval to the U.S. economy, have reportedly been assuaged by whisper networks confirming that these fiscal tools are more for show than for actual implementation. One might call it a policy of implied effectiveness. Why risk demonstrating a plan’s flaws when its conceptual perfection can be preserved indefinitely?