Weekend Reads Cause Existential Crisis In 8 Out Of 10 Readers

Ah, the weekend. That hallowed period when one is apparently incapable of processing complex prose without first having ritually prepared a mug of Colombia Tolima Los Brasiles Peaberry Organic coffee. It's a precise science, you see, ensuring maximum cerebral absorption. One simply cannot grapple with the profound depths of modern thought on a lesser brew, lest the words dissolve into a puddle of unsophisticated anomie. Indeed, the very act of obtaining this particular elixir is, for many, the most significant intellectual challenge of their entire week.

Once sufficiently fortified by this liquid gold, readers are then invited to delve into narratives of true societal import, such as the enigmatic exploits of a Mysterious Billionaire. One assumes this involves plumbing the vast chasms of wealth accumulation, perhaps revealing how one acquires an offshore island or perfects the art of philanthropic tax evasion. It’s certainly more edifying than, say, a nuanced discussion of late-stage capitalism’s systemic failures, which, let’s be honest, would utterly spoil the perfectly brewed coffee. Better to focus on the individual, the exceptional, the inaccessible – truly inspiring material for one’s designated period of existential dread.