Upcoming Week Declared Unavoidable Despite Urgent Petitions

The week, a relentless march of pre-ordained events, is upon us, beginning with an almost philosophical "Boo!" from the financial augurs. This profound insight reportedly sets the stage for the week’s main event: the grand convocation of the Federal Open Market Committee (FOMC). Expectations are, of course, high for a meticulously pre-briefed 0.25% interest rate adjustment, a move that will doubtlessly surprise absolutely no one, yet still generate hours of earnest cable news punditry regarding its supposed earth-shattering implications.

Further enriching this tapestry of inevitability, observers eagerly await the latest revelations from the Case-Shiller house price index and the equally hallowed pronouncements of the Institute for Supply Management regarding manufacturing activity. These sacred economic texts, once deciphered by the financial shamans, will confirm what everyone already suspected, allowing markets to either breathe a sigh of predetermined relief or plunge into an equally predetermined panic, depending on the algorithm's mood. One can only wonder if a single, spontaneous event might someday dare to interrupt this meticulously choreographed dance of capital.