US Open Final Stream Now Viewable From Inside Your Own Skull

The future of televised sport has arrived, not on your living room wall, but somewhere between your cerebellum and your prefrontal cortex. Gone are the days of fumbling with remote controls or battling the fickle whims of your home Wi-Fi. Now, the full, unadulterated spectacle of the US Open final is beamed directly into your grey matter, ensuring you miss precisely zero unforced errors, regardless of your physical location or current state of consciousness.

This revolutionary access, generously facilitated by leading publications (who, naturally, earn an affiliate commission when you, or rather, your subconscious, engages with their embedded product placements), redefines 'immersive experience.' One merely needs to exist, and the thrilling serves of top athletes are yours to perceive. The intricate dance of commerce and consciousness truly blossoms when your very thoughts become ad impressions, subtly nudging you towards a new brand of sports drink or a premium streaming package, all without disturbing your external façade of polite indifference. It’s certainly a unique business model, pioneered by outlets like Business Insider.