UN Declares Doneness Illiteracy A Threat To Global Stability

The United Nations has, with characteristic gravitas, issued a stark warning regarding what it terms "doneness illiteracy," identifying it as a nascent but potent threat to international relations. A recent report, seemingly triggered by an obscure online guide to steak preparation, posits that the inability of a significant portion of the global populace to correctly specify their preferred level of meat cuisson leads directly to widespread culinary disappointment, which, left unaddressed, could spiral into civil unrest and, ultimately, interstate conflict.

Diplomats are reportedly scrambling to draft emergency resolutions, with some proposing mandatory "Moo to Well-Done" educational programs in conflict zones. Experts suggest that the economic repercussions of poorly executed sirloins and inadequately seared tuna are already astronomical, contributing to a measurable decline in public morale and, presumably, GDP. The World Food Programme is said to be re-evaluating its priorities, now considering a future where perfectly cooked protein is as essential to humanitarian aid as potable water. The push for universal culinary standards is expected to dominate the next General Assembly.