Tech Giants Now Scouting High School Robotics Clubs

The sudden pivot by industry titans towards America’s scholastic engineering scene is, we are assured, an entirely organic rediscovery of latent domestic genius, absolutely unrelated to recent economic shifts. With the H-1B visa program now demanding a rather robust six-figure donation per skilled worker, what was once a global talent pool has seemingly shrunk to encompass only those individuals whose primary concern is passing algebra.

Tech giants are reportedly dispatching senior VPs, typically accustomed to jet-setting for international talent expos, to suburban gymnasiums hosting high school robotics clubs. Their mission: to identify future code-slingers before they can even drive, let alone demand a competitive salary. One can almost hear the heartfelt corporate pronouncements about "investing in our nation's youth" echoing through the hollowed halls of venture capital firms.

It’s a bold new era of innovation, where the next disruptive app will likely be coded between detention and advanced placement calculus. Truly, nothing says "forward-thinking" like securing your workforce before their voices break.