Starbucks CEO: China Market Actually Contains Chinese People

The sheer audacity of the universe, it seems, has delivered a profound revelation to Starbucks: the market of China is, in fact, populated by Chinese people. This groundbreaking discovery, made only a decade after then-CEO Howard Schultz optimistically declared the nation held "potential," marks a significant strategic pivot from the company's previous, presumably telekinetic, marketing approach. One can only imagine the brainstorming session: "Wait, they don't *just* want pumpkin spice lattes and artisanal kale? They have... local preferences?"

The multinational coffee behemoth is now dramatically changing its tack, apparently realizing that "winning over" a market might involve more than merely existing there with a green siren logo. It’s almost as if the notion that a population might prefer indigenous brands, tailored experiences, and a complete absence of overly enthusiastic baristas was a deeply guarded secret, finally unveiled in a boardroom somewhere far, far away from actual Chinese people.