Shocking Report: ABC News Continues To Be Live

The groundbreaking revelation that ABC News continues its unwavering commitment to the present moment has sent ripples through the media landscape. Sources close to the situation, who admittedly spent several minutes confirming their own existence, indicate that the venerable institution is, in fact, still providing what can only be described as a live broadcast of events as they unfold. This stunning development challenges previous assumptions that news might, at some point, simply cease to happen in real-time.

Experts in the field of journalism are scrambling to understand the implications of such sustained immediacy. Is it a testament to the indefatigable human spirit, or merely the relentless grind of the modern news cycle in a world perpetually on the brink? One can only speculate what existential crises might necessitate such a constant, unfiltered stream of current affairs. Perhaps it's simply a recognition that the world refuses to pause for a commercial break.