Sacred White Flare Box Devalues, World On Edge

The very fabric of our precarious modern economy has been rent asunder, not by interest rates or geopolitical tensions, but by the recent, precipitous decline in the market value of the revered White Flare Elite Trainer Box. What was once a symbol of cardboard-based financial stability, a beacon for aspirational collectors, has now shed a staggering $19.54 of its perceived worth, plunging to a dismal $84.95 on Amazon.

This devastating blow to the Pokémon TCG secondary market signals a troubling trend. Experts, presumably those who gauge global economic health by the fluctuating prices of foiled Japanese monster cards, are now scrambling to re-evaluate their portfolios. The notion of “saving” a sum barely enough for two artisanal coffees on a supposed investment piece is, frankly, an insult to the sophisticated investor. One can only hope this isn't a harbinger for the broader collectibles market, or indeed, civilization itself.