Report: Weekend Reads Consume 37% Of Available Brainpower

It seems the age-old weekend quest for mental repose has been tragically misunderstood. New data, undeniably sourced from a very serious place, reveals that our cherished "weekend reads" are not, in fact, relaxing diversions but rather high-intensity cognitive load exercises. The act of settling in with a mug of ethically sourced, artisanal bean-water and tackling the complex geopolitical ramifications of, say, why one might not own any gold, is apparently akin to running a mental marathon, not a leisurely stroll through a garden of prose.

The report suggests that the 37% brainpower consumption figure might even be conservative, failing to account for the additional neural expenditure involved in *appearing* deeply contemplative while absorbing such vital knowledge. One must, after all, project an air of sophisticated intellectual engagement, lest their neighbours mistakenly believe they are merely enjoying a quiet moment. The sheer mental gymnastics required to reconcile the pursuit of productivity with the supposed respite of a Saturday morning could, arguably, push the figure significantly higher. Perhaps we should simply revert to staring blankly at walls; it’s certainly less taxing.