Report: Uncleaned Ducts Threaten Fragile Multiverse Stability

It appears our collective preoccupation with trivialities like breathable air and the prevention of indoor allergies has blinded us to a far graver peril. A recent, utterly terrifying report – thankfully not sponsored by any particular cleaning consortium – suggests that the insidious buildup within our domestic ventilation systems isn't just making your sinuses weep, but is actively eroding the very fabric of existence. Researchers, presumably after extensive observation of lint traps and inexplicable household hums, postulate a direct correlation between your dusty HVAC system and the increasingly shaky foundation of the multiverse.

Apparently, those tiny particles of human epidermal shedding and pet dander aren't just an irritant; they are, in fact, micro-anomalies capable of warping quantum physics at an alarmingly localized level. While you’re fretting over a slightly musty scent or an unexpected sneeze, entire parallel dimensions are reportedly collapsing into a void of forgotten socks and existential dread, all because you neglected to schedule a deep clean. One can only hope that the interdimensional Homeowners Association has a robust set of bylaws on duct maintenance, or we’re all in for a truly spectacular cosmic eviction.