New Study Shows Metaphors Now Legally Binding Contracts

The recent legal reclassification of metaphors as binding agreements has sent a delightful shiver down the spine of the English-speaking world. No longer mere literary flourishes, these poetic pronouncements now carry the full weight of the Supreme Court. Your casual remark that "my career is a winding road" could, it seems, constitute a valid indefinite employment contract with a scenic route clause.

Indeed, that "lightning flash" of understanding described by the Harvard Business Review now signifies an instantaneous legal obligation. Suddenly, the notion of a metaphor "calming the brain" takes on a darkly humorous new meaning, perhaps referring to the peaceful surrender one feels upon realizing their entire life is now governed by an offhand simile. Jurists are now tasked with interpreting whether "time is a river" implies a perpetual lease on all waterfront property, revolutionizing contract law in ways no one, least of all Shakespeare, could have foreseen. Prepare your depositions in iambic pentameter.