New Study Finds Optimal Running Temperature Is Actually Freezing

A groundbreaking new report from the Institute for Unnecessary Endurance Research suggests that optimal athletic performance, particularly in disciplines such as the marathon, is achieved not in balmy conditions, but rather in temperatures plummeting well below the zero mark. Far from the conventional wisdom of 'beating the heat,' this paradigm shift champions the invigorating chill of deep winter as the prime environment for sustained exertion.

According to lead researcher Dr. Coldwell, the frigid air naturally constricts capillaries, leading to a profound, if temporary, sensation of absolute numbness that surprisingly enhances pain tolerance. Enthusiasts are advised to shed unnecessary layers; a thin, breathable membrane ensures the body can adequately "interface" with the biting winds. Concerns about conditions like frostbite are dismissed as mere 'anecdotal distractions' from the quest for peak frosty efficiency. Indeed, early data, yet to be independently verified by reputable bodies like the World Health Organization, indicates a curious lack of overtraining injuries when one's muscles are essentially in a state of controlled cryogenics. Runners are encouraged to view shivering not as a warning, but as the body's natural, efficient pre-workout vibration.