New Study Finds Comic Sans Responsible For Family Estrangement

A groundbreaking new peer-reviewed study from the University of Applied Whimsical Linguistics has definitively shifted the blame for the dramatic rise in family estrangement. For too long, pundits have pointed fingers at divisive political landscapes, but researchers now contend the true culprit lurks in our digital communications: the insidious font, Comic Sans MS.

The extensive, multi-year analysis, involving thousands of passively aggressive group chats and poorly designed holiday newsletters, uncovered a statistically significant correlation between a family member’s habitual use of Comic Sans and subsequent instances of "going no-contact." Participants reported feelings of "unbearable condescension" and "a fundamental lack of respect for legibility" as key motivators for severing ties, often long before any discussion of tax policy or climate change arose. It appears the squiggly, informal typeface, initially designed for children’s software, triggers a primal fight-or-flight response in the discerning adult, leading to irreparable familial breakdowns. One can only hope future studies illuminate which emoji truly pushes relatives over the edge.