Nation's Forests Volunteer To Become Biomass, Say They Were Bored

It appears that the nation’s verdant inhabitants have had quite enough of the bucolic life. Reports from several sprawling woodlands confirm a growing sentiment among the flora: a profound boredom with the relentless cycle of photosynthesis and general arboreal existence. Many majestic oak, pine, and birch specimens are now reportedly queuing up, quite literally, to become biomass feedstock, specifically eyeing a coveted spot at the Drax power station.

"Frankly, it's a bit of a rut," stated a venerable spruce, speaking through a surprisingly articulate sapling. "All this standing around, absorbing carbon dioxide – it's hardly stimulating. A brief, fiery apotheosis feels like a more exciting career path." This unprecedented surge in sylvan self-determination comes as political entities, notably Reform UK, vow to ‘save’ these very trees from their supposed fiery fate. One must wonder if the trees, in their newfound existential clarity, appreciate being 'saved' from what they now consider a rather dynamic life change.