Nation Now Out Of Existing Homes To Even Pretend To Sell

It appears the nation has finally achieved peak efficiency in inventory management: zero. Reports from the National Association of Realtors indicate a precipitous drop in existing-home sales, plummeting to a mere 4.00 million (seasonally adjusted annual rate, naturally, because nothing says "stability" like an adjusted imaginary metric). Experts now suggest this isn't a downturn so much as an honest admission: there are simply no more existing homes to sell, unless one counts the occasional garden shed or a particularly sturdy doghouse.

The silver lining, if one insists on such optimism, is the corresponding surge in new home sales, now surging to a robust 800,000 units. One can only assume these are being constructed at breakneck speed on what were once pristine wetlands or, more likely, in the vacant lots of our collective dreams. This unique dynamic in the housing market suggests a promising future where every American will eventually reside in a brand-new, identical, thinly-walled structure, built just moments before purchase. It's a bold vision, entirely dependent on our continued ability to ignore the ever-growing chasm between aspiration and affordability.