NASA Scientists Confirm Rockets Do, In Fact, Launch Things

The esteemed minds at NASA have, after meticulous deliberation spanning what one might charitably describe as "several fiscal years," delivered a truly earth-shattering pronouncement: rockets possess the remarkable capacity to launch objects into space. This revelation, previously shrouded in the complex mysteries of propulsion physics and budgetary allocations, marks a significant paradigm shift for an agency historically committed to, well, rockets launching things.

What’s more, sources close to the space agency, presumably after an internal audit discovered the existence of other rockets, indicate a radical new strategy: the Orion spacecraft), long wedded to its colossal Space Launch System partner, might just be able to catch a ride on a *different* large metal tube with an explosive bottom. This innovative thinking, described by one anonymous procurement officer as "utterly revolutionary for anyone who’s ever glanced at a launch pad," promises to unlock untold efficiencies, particularly if those efficiencies don't involve upsetting any current congressional funding mandates. The future, it seems, is now slightly less singular.