Moon’s September Appearance Sparks Familiar Outcry

Reports are filtering in from various astronomical observatories – and, frankly, anyone with eyeballs – that the moon, in a truly audacious move, is once again embarking on its predictable nightly campaign of increasing luminosity. Sources confirm that this celestial body, long a fixture of our night sky, will continue to amplify its output until it achieves its full, unblinking glare. This revelation, while familiar to students of basic lunar cycle, has nevertheless sent a low hum of consternation through the more… sensitive sectors of the populace.

Authorities, reportedly, are 'monitoring the situation closely.' Experts at NASA have yet to issue a definitive statement on whether this incremental brightening poses an existential threat, or merely an inconvenience for those reliant on absolute darkness for optimal TikTok viewing. Concerns are already mounting among self-proclaimed 'sleep hygiene' advocates, who anticipate a surge in cases of mild insomnia and general grumpiness. While today’s faint glow might be easily dismissed, history tells us the complaints will only amplify as the moon continues its brazen, utterly unoriginal journey towards its next full phase.